anger: an emotion I felt very infrequently, prior to this semester
I blame Facebook
it’s mostly just me seeing posts on Facebook that involve my ex boyfriend and then I’m like fuck him and then I’m like this makes me angry lol
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I’m highly conflicted about his existence because we were fine for like a week and then he started being weird to me again and I’m like ok cool cool cool Tight Tight tight
also conflicted because his girlfriend(?)/best friend is a lovely human and I genuinely like her a lot as a person lol she doesn’t deserve him
I also wish it didn’t seem so Passive Aggressive when I like her stuff on Facebook, I genuinely like her as a person even though he’s a dick
like she just updated her profile pic to a polaroid pic of the two of them and honestly it’s such a cute picture I couldn’t not like it but I know that he’s gonna see it and use it as an excuse to continue being passive aggressive towards me but w h a t e v e r
and lately I’ve been having flashbacks to when we had sex and I know it wasn’t a big deal but also I’m a fetus and I’m okay with what I did but also it makes me dangerously nauseous to think about now and I legitimately threw up yesterday morning from thinking about it so that’s good
I also have felt 0 sexual desire since we broke up, and I don’t know if that’s just because there hasn’t been anyone I’m interested in or what but like literally I don’t even want to get myself off, haven’t done that once since February
it’s april
I have no drive at all and it’s not because I’m depressed because I’m not depressed or anxious really either (but I’m going back to the psychiatrist today so I guess we’ll say what she has to say about things)
idk
kind of frustrating but also I guess it doesn’t matter because it’s one less thing I have to worry about but I just hate so much how upset it makes me to think about what we did. it was a good experience at the time I just think how he handled everything post breakup made my stomach very upset lol
whatever!!
I have no patience for this childish behavior!!
brb tho I’m gonna go keep scrolling through Facebook until I see something that makes me angry
~