Getting married at 23 was not at all in my life plan. If anything, I wanted to be an Endocrinologist by day, bar singer at dusk and a struggling theater actress in the making. Well, all that did not pan out. I've spent majority of my Existence laying out a list of things to accomplish and executing nothing. Why? It dawned on me that all the energy I concentrated on perfecting my life was a futile attempt to gratify my selfish need for attention. Securing the "I MADE MY MAMA PROUD TICKET"  was once flailing in the air for me to claim yet  slowly inched away in the sky as the words began to blur and my chest grew laden with disappointment...

The Smile on a  face can denote happiness just like how clouds can denote rain. The latter doesn't always pull through, now does it? I may speak of rainbows and butterflies but nay, my spirit is as charred as ash. I was at a  stand still for a week, a month, a year and eye ducts incessantly brimming with tears. I have been at a place where I couldn't even hear my own thoughts, questioned my existence, relevance and what I aimed to be. 

Finding yourself seems so banal to express yet as hackneyed as it sounds, it was a valuable and humbling affair. Unraveling true friends, rekindling friendships and finding Love compensates for the sleepless nights and wet pillows. Who knew that it would take a collaboration of being 7,000 miles away on a different continent in the other side of the world and a marriage to bring a Family together? I have never felt so much closer to my family than I currently do. Establish a relationship with each of your precious loved ones like today is the last day on earth. It's ironic how I have gained the attention I've been seeking now that I'm oceans away. Sometimes, I close my eyes and I can hear them laughing. Mom's calling out my name. I grip my hands and wish that just this once, my family will be standing in front of me when I open my eyes. I smile and mull over cherished memories, both good and bad. I trust that every individual can surmount obstacles thrown at their direction. It is destiny's approach of saying, "Hey, I know you're just human. Take this and come back to me."

I come home to a quaint apartment, my  kind hearted husband and birds melodiously chirping. I've invested in a life that's worth waking up to. I've always had a reason for living but it took a year of sleep for me to see behind the onyx sheet of my own dejection. 

Dwell on the positive light as calling someone ugly won't make you any prettier and labeling someone a dunce won't earn you any brain cells. See the beauty in what you have. Allow yourself to sob over your issues 5 minutes a day for week, a month, a year if you must. Allot 5 minutes a day to feel sorry for yourself and detach from those ill feelings. Then, just then, observe how things will be alright after all. Look around you and see that you're not the only one.

Oh yeah, my mom loves me relentlessly and believes that I can. Let me tell you, I will make it.

Time check: 9:49 pm and living an indubiously happy life.