Hi guys,

The last couple of weeks have been alittle rough. My Anxiety medication isn’t working as much as it was. So I’m incredibly anxious. I feel my anxiety in my gut mostly. I also become shaky, and my body temperature is up and down. The last two times I have experienced these symptoms on a more severe level, I tried to 5,4,3,2,1 coping technique. Which is where I find 5 things that I can see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I can hear, 2 things I can smell, and 1 thing I can taste. It’s to also help me stay in the present, instead of going through all of the “what if’s” of situations that have already happened.

Like recently, I had an Incident where in the span of 10 minutes, I was almost hit by two cars. The first time, someone was turning while I was walking across the street. But they were going slow enough to stop before they hit me. But none the less, he was driving directly at me. So the second incident, the light had just changed, so the walk signal had just came on. Because of that last incident, and my already present anxiety, I paused to make sure that all the cars that had to come to a stop, were actually going to stop. I then notice a car not slowing down. He went right through the red light, almost hitting a pizza delivery car and all the way through the intersection before I even saw brake lights. If I hadn’t paused to check to see if people were stopping, he would have hit me and would have killed me.

As I was walking away, I broke down. I was terrified and just wanted to get home. And then my brain doing its lovely job, started replaying the second incident saying ” what if you hadn’t paused?” And with that playing in my head, I cried and walked home as fast as I could.

You see, one thing I wish ( oh so desperately wished) is to not have to go through the “what if’s”. The what if’s scare me probably the most. And I’ve seen and heard a lot of “almost” accidents or just bad things happening that I know what could happen. Even though this thought process isn’t super helpful at this point, it does allow me to see the other side of things.

There was also about a week where I felt entirely gloomy and just dull. And anxious.

I can’t keep an interest or a hobby around very long because I lose interest. Stuff just gets constantly boring. And then I try to get myself up and busy but I’m always coming back to lack of interest.

I’ve been worrying about my food intake for about a year and a half now. I’m sure I’m lacking a certain nutrient at this point. Every time I stand up I get dizzy, light headed, and my vision goes blurry for up to 2 mins. My fingernails are pretty brittle at this point. I’m totally aware of what’s going on. But I’m going to be making a doctors appt to get some help. Because I can only do so much.

I had a chance for a volunteering position, but I had to decline. I just can’t deal with all of the new stuff that will come with volunteering, with all of my mental symptoms going on. They are the worst they have ever been. I still push through my everyday life, but sometimes it all becomes too much and all I want to do is sleep for a while.

Well, there’s an interesting post for y’all.

Share your experiences with anxiety or any mental disorder for that matter. I think we all suffer too much in silence.