EAST COAST CRITICS ARE BIASED: A THOROUGH TAKE ON HIP-HOP, POLITICS, AND POPULAR CULTURE
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
A Picture That's Worth A Thousand Words And Some Change.
I tell you right now, this is one day that I will never forget. Thank you George W. Bush. Thank you so much. And to think, I had the nerve to be so unforgivably indignant with you about that whole Katrina thing. Man, water under the levee on that one you fuckup. Oh, and to all of you red state assholes who were rubbing the outcome of the 2004 election in my face, enjoy that new Black family in the White House (no worries, it's on me) in addition to the sleep that you'll be losing out on for the foreseeable future (I didn't sleep for at least a month back in November of 2004). I mean, surely you didn't think that we were going to let you off that easy, now did you? My advice to you would be to take your "faith-based" ass the fuck on somewhere and pray to get another job that you probably lost in trying to keep gays from getting married back in 2004 (How did that constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman ever work out for you anyway? Is it in the ratification process yet?). In short, fuck you and everybody who thinks like you. Bow down to your new Muslim terrorist president.
Also, rest in peace Aunt Sister; I'm sorry that you had to miss this one by a week. To think, Big Ma moved you from deep down in Dublin, GA to Detroit, MI back in the 40's to get you away from some shit that had to have left you hard-pressed to believe that I (let alone you) would ever see the day where there would be a Black man in this country holding the title of "President-Elect." Barack, I thank you for allowing all of us to believe, and with that said, I'll say again that for the first time in my life, I am extremely proud of my country (well, the 60 million people who think like me; the rest of you can go to hell).
Finally, thank you to everyone who shared in this day with me. From my family, to my "vote friend," to my "lifers," to my fellow bloggers, and to every Black person who sent me the "did u vote" text, the day wouldn't have been the same without you. And what an amazing day it's been! Peace...
PS. It's really nice to be back in a blue state again, bet on that.
A couple of days ago, P forwarded an email to me highlighting some of the things that Black people should refrain from doing in the office next Wednesday (assuming a Barack win). Things such as coming to work playing "Ain't No Stopping Us Now" or "I Believe I Can Fly," to shouting "Thank You Lord!" after stepping off the elevator. From joyfully breaking down into tears at the copier, to performing any other type of celebratory act that will only work to piss a lot of White people off. All good advice too, because whereas Barack may bethe president come next Wednesday morning, it must be remembered that White people still overwhelmingly control the processing of performance evaluations. Better put, there's no reason for your children to be hungry simply because you needed "to make your damn point."
Sound logic...
Unfortunately, however, what most Black people are failing to realize at this point is that such logic actually cuts both ways. Meaning to say - and I dare say it - what do we do in the event that Barack loses? Surprisingly, this is the one (and highly plausible) scenario that Black people aren't doing a whole lot of talking about these days; and in so (not) doing, I believe that we are neglecting to properly prepare ourselves for the doomsday scenario. I mean, has it really come to the point where we as Black people are putting as much stock into pre-election polls as your slutty cousin puts into your aunt's fish dream? Shiiiiit. I know that I'm not! Not saying that I'm "anti-America" or anything, but come the fuck on, I've lived in this country long enough to know what's really good. "Bradley Effect" my ass, it doesn't take much reflecting to realize that the only Black person who has ever reached a level even close to what Barack is about to accomplish in this country is OJ, and you see that they managed to get that one back.
So, for real Black people, what's up? In the event that Barack loses, what the hell are we going to do? Aside from advising against any sort of Nat Turner-esque behavior, have we as a people really sat down and considered how we will handle ourselves in the office next Wednesday should President McCain reign victorious? In understanding the importance of a J-O-B, I've put together a short list of actions that we should probably refrain from:
1. Needing "a moment" every fifteen minutes.
2. Excessively sighing and/or mouthing "this some mothafuckin' bullshit" everytime that you make eye contact with a Black coworker.
3. Anxiously waiting for one of your White coworkers to "say something" so that you can snuff them.
4. Changing your voicemail to: "Look, you've reached the desk of (X). I might get back to you today, but in all honesty, I probably won't. If it's an emergency, please call . . . you know what, fuck it, just deal with that shit. Life isn't fair anyway."
5. Talking to the entire office through the (loud) conversation that you're having with one of your Black coworkers: "Girl, fuck these racist ass mothafuckas! You know what I'm saying?"
6. Taking a three hour lunch break because you know that your boss is too apprehensive to say anything to your (noticeably) hostile black ass.
7. "Giving up on this bullshit." Thereafter looking up how to kill yourself by letting the engine run because you don't want to jeopardize an open casket.
8. Watching Murder in Mississippi in the breakroom while letting all of your Black coworkers know that "ain't nothing changed, they just more slick with the shit now."
9. Answering your business line in the following manner: "Yeah?"
10. Listening to Tom Joyner or Michael Baisden at full blast in your cubicle while emphatically shouting "Amen" or "I heard that" to every other angry Black caller.
On the serious tip though; Black people, whichever scenario we find ourselves having to deal with on Wednesday morning, you know that we'll be "aight." In keeping the glass half-full, let's remember, we never expected to seeanything like this in our lifetime anyway! So that if he wins, he wins. And if he loses, he loses. Regardless of what happens, nothing will be able to take away from everything that this man has accomplished, and that's real. So in any event, good luck on Tuesday Barack; I tell you no lie when I say that it's been one hell of a ride. Peace...
My third (and final) year of law school started on August 26. Aside from a 6-credit internship, I'm only registered for two classes. I attend the internship without issue, but of the eight or so weeks that school has been in session, I have been to the other two classes only twice. Why? Because of my obsession with Barack Obama's presidential campaign.
As of late, my entire life is spent flipping between CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News....
9am:Morning Joe.
10am to 4pm: In between reading every article in the New York Times that mentions Obama, I'm flipping between all three channels trying to see what channel has the most recent poll numbers, if there have been any gaffes on the campaign trail, and what Sarah Palin is doing. I also use this time to call and text friends who are seeking real time updates.
4pm: The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer.
5pm:Hardball with Chris Matthews.
6pm:Race For The White House with David Gregory.
6:30pm: Nightly News with Brian Williams. However, I only watch the segments covering the election, then right back to Race For The White House.
7pm: I eat dinner, shower, and bring Cute Face up to speed on all of the information that I've taken in all day while she was wasting time at work.
8pm:Keith Olbermann. During commercial breaks though, I'll switch over to O'Reilly to hear some stupid shit along the lines of, "In my opinion, Obama's camp has some nerve to take issue with Palin enthusiasts calling for Obama's death when Obama won't even stop the enthusiasts at his rallies from booing McCain."
9pm: Thank God for Rachel Maddow. During commercial breaks, however, I'll switch over to Hannity and Colmes. Hannity's confusion behind a terrorist nigger with a nigger reverend being up 14 points in the polls is as amusing to me as the jobless white trash who called Obama an "Arab" at a McCain rally last week.
10pm:Anderson Cooper. But I'm sure that you already knew that. Anderson's been my man dating back to his Hurricane Katrina coverage.
11pm:The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
11:15pm: I'll usually go pee because I haven't done so since sometime in the early afternoon.
Midnight: I flip around all of the channels to make sure that there is no breaking news, and then I go to sleep.
Simply put, I don't want to go to school (or anywhere) because God forbid that I leave the house, come back home, and find that the entire electoral map has changed to red due to ACORN or some shit. Even when I (reluctantly) drove to DC this past weekend, Cute Face knew to press refresh on her Blackberry every two to five minutes so that I wouldn't throw her ass out the car in an attempt to get back to NYC in time to catch Meet The Press.
Now, admittedly, this full-fledged addiction of mine is extremely unhealthy, but, whatever, I can't help it! I mean, it really looks like Obama's going to win! To the point where everyday as I sit here in a puddle of my own filth, I gain a greater appreciation for George W. Bush, because without him, none of this would be possible. It truly took a fuckup like George W. Bush for (unemployed) people to finally say to themselves, "You know what, a nigger might not be that bad..."
The fact that Barack Obama (a salty name for an open wound) might actually serve as our revenge for the bullshit that these red-state assholes have put us through by electing an idiot who they saw in themselves is simply too much for me to fathom at times, which is exactly why I stay at home all of the time trying to make sure that this isn't a dream. Hell, I'm looking forward to November 4th more so than either candidate, simply for the fact that I want my life back. I mean sometimes, as I watch Obama out on the campaign trail, I get jealous of him for no other reason than he found a way to get out of the house that day. And frankly, this shit has got to stop...
But in the mean time, I'm enjoying every minute of this election, because we all know that without a second-coming of Bush, there will never be another (half) Black man to make it this far again; this is a once-in-a-lifetime blip of unparalleled proportions. So that when my kids ask me about this election one day, the fact that my life at this point revolves around pundits, campaign advisers, and lead-ups to debates, I will definitely be able to give them the business about the 2008 Presidential Campaign.
This entire post to ask though, is it just me with this dangerously unhealthy obsession? If not, I invite any of the other borderline-stalkish Obama supporters out there to e-mail me at any point throughout the day, as I cannot get enough of talking about this shit. Anyway people, peace, I gotta go...
***UPDATE***
On post-debate nights such as tonight, I will be up until at least 2am. Now, immediately following the debate, I'll turn to CNN because they have the most politically diverse panel. But once they start asking that focus group of undecided voters a bunch of questions, I'll turn to MSNBC to get my partisan fill of Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann.
But back to that focus group. My question is, how the fuck can anyone be undecided at this point? Some "undecided" Black dude had the nerve to be up in that focus group tonight. Talking (in a subdued East Cleveland accent) about how Barack's ACORN affiliation still "troubles him." Nigga, shut up. We all know who your "undecided" Black ass early-voted for last week.
And also, was it just me, or did you want Barack to come back a little harder when McCain was getting onto him about wanting an apology for John Lewis' comments? Personally, I was looking for something along the lines of, "John, fuck you." I don't know, I just thought that Barack went a little soft there. In fact, I thought that he was a little soft the entire debate, but, it's whatever. He didn't fuck it up, so I'm good. But anyway, like I said earlier, I gotta go!
I figured that there may be some people out there who could appreciate the sheer comedy that I experienced up in the D.C. Superior Courthouse today. In having arrived a little early for a status hearing, I had to sit through the testimony of a robbery victim from another case:
U.S. Attorney: So while you were walking south along South Capitol Street, you say that the vehicle that was driving north quickly made a left turn and cut off your path?
Victim: Yes.
U.S. Attorney: What happened at that point?
Victim: Well, the one with the dreads jumped out of the car.
U.S. Attorney: Upon jumping out of the car, what did he do?
Victim: He pointed a gun at my head and said “Nigga you know what time it is.”
Now, when I tell you that upon hearing that foolishness, me and three other Black people had to run up out of that courtroom because we could not stop laughing, please believe that I tell you no lie. I mean seriously, in 2008, are niggas still making “robbery announcements?” What made the situation even crazier is that the co-defendant who the victim was talking about actually looked like a nigga who would say some stupid shit like that.
So that on that note, over the next few weeks, be on the lookout for a post that will detail why you don’t want to have a felony on your record. Whereas such a post may seem self-evident, trust me, when I see these young Black men in court dealing with the aftermath of their dumb ass mistakes, day, after day, after day, after day; I figure that it could never hurt to simply put the disclaimer out there. But until then my people, peace…
So I’m here in D.C. working for the summer. And not just working, but working with some of the coolest people that I have ever met in my life. Last night, we decided to put on one of the biggest Spades tournaments that Chocolate City has ever seen. Yet, somewhere in the middle of one teammate cussing out another for throwing a King when the Ace of that set hadn’t been thrown yet, we all got onto a topic that I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about lately - and not coincidentally, it’s a topic that relates to the “Lack of Eligible Black Men” post. Simply put, the discussion revolved around how in high school and college, we as (pre-successful) Black men were forever “chasing” ass, but how now, and by default at that (read “Lack of Eligible Black Men” to understand what I mean by “default”), ass somehow or another is chasing us!
This is especially true in D.C., because whereas professional Black women in every city are having to be a little bit more aggressive these days in order to find themselves a successful Black man, or, even a quasi-successful Black man, Black women from D.C. have never had any issues with aggressively going after whatever it is that they want. And when you think about it, what else would you expect of them? The Black women here aren’t just secretaries, they’re congressional aides. The Black women here aren’t just running human resources, they’re running national bureaucracies. The Black women here aren’t just trying to be up in videos, they’re trying to be up in someone’s embassy. And to top it all off, word on the street is that the Black women janitors who clean the building that I work in will all be receiving federal pensions upon retirement. So that naturally, once you understand what’s really good here, it’s not that difficult to understand why, and how, Black women from D.C. will boss the fuck up whenever they see something that they want
No lie; last month, D.C. Black women randomly approached me (five times) to ask me if I was married. Not my name. Not my age. Not how my day was going. Not even if I had a girlfriend. All that mattered was whether I was married or not, because these Black women from D.C. are not about the typical bullshit of (1) let’s flirt, (2) let’s go to lunch, (3) let’s get a drink, (4) let’s fuck, (5) “Why didn’t he tell me that he was married? Now I have to go fuck up his wife’s car.” In addition to that, on a couple of occasions - while minding my own business mind you - these bold ass women have stepped to me and stuck notes in my pocket (I’ll let you speculate as to the content of the notes, granting you that whatever you guess, it’s probably not that far off). That’s not all though. A few weeks back, I was almost attacked by this woman while standing outside of a pizza joint; and I quote her talking to her girls, “Damn girl, I thought that I wanted some pizza, but actually, I want him.” At other times, I have been eye raped to the point where I think that finally - after all of this time - I am going to stop looking at certain Black women with that “Why are you walking around with all of that ass unless you want to get fucked” look. And don’t even try to play the “stare game” down here, because wherein most cities, when you catch a Black woman’s eye, she may smile and quickly look away; here, once a Black woman catches your eye, it will eventually get to the point where you as a dude feel uncomfortable, ultimately turning your head away like a little bitch. And these stories that I write of aren’t SHIT as compared to what the other dudes (mostly attorneys) up in the Spades tournament were talking about.
All of that to say that successful Black men who (1) don’t speak with a hyper-white voice, (2) are attractive, and (3) are not one of those nerdy successful Black men who will let a Black woman run all over them (which, according to most of the Black women that I know, is not that attractive) have somehow or another become “prized commodities.” And again, this is all by default, because young White men who are on my level - not Donald Trump’s level, but, a level where you can comfortably do your thing - are not experiencing this phenomenon (because shit, White men on my level come a dime a dozen).
Now, as for putting a label on this phenomenon, a couple of years back, one of my best friends (Mia!) coined this experience as the “God Syndrome.” In that while there are a plethora of Black men who ultimately do make it to the graduate or uber-successful post-undergraduate levels, there simply aren’t a lot of (1) cool Black men (i.e. "regular ass niggas") or (2) attractive Black men at this level. So that when there is a Black guy at this level who possesses both (1) and (2), for all intents and purposes, he turns into a “God” amongst the many beautiful Black women who ultimately make it to this level.
So, now that you understand the background behind our discussion last night, I can get you more into the specifics of what we were all talking about. In that basically, the discussion reached a point where we were all reminiscing on what life was like for Black men BEFORE the “God Syndrome.” Specifically, we were discussing all of the games that Black men used to have to play in order to cop some ass - again, before ass started flying at us from all directions in speeds upwards of 500 miles per hour. Honest and truly, I probably haven’t laughed as hard as I did last night - reminiscing on those games - since I can’t even remember when. That said, I figured that I had no choice but to let all of you in on the reminiscing as well - reminiscing back to the days when getting into some “draws” wasn’t easy, but ever dependent upon the right “strategy.” So, without further adieu, here’s the complete list of foolproof strategies that we came up with (young Black guys, take note):
1. “Let’s rent a movie tonight!” Ahhhh, the “movie night” strategy. A timeless classic. Speaking for myself, from the time that the FBI warning popped up on the screen, I’m already kissing on the back of your neck, my hands are rubbing up and down some thighs, something in my lap is pressed up against that ass, and I’m just waiting for you to turn over, at which point, the movie is watching us. By far, this one is the best trick in the book because (1) you ALREADY have her at the house, and (2) she’s not trying to watch that movie either, which is exactly why she agreed to rent it! Oh, and as a bonus, you’re not spending more than ten dollars on this night; compare that to the price of ONE movie ticket.
2. “You want a massage?” Every Black guy between the ages of 16 and 24 is a licensed massage therapist. In ’99, I was giving massages better than the professionals who work on athletes. I knew how to adjust to the girls who liked a lot of pressure, to those who simply liked for you to softly rub your hands up and down their back so as to get a tickling sensation. But of course, no matter what type of massage you enjoyed, eventually, you were going to get the instruction: “Look, I’m going to have to undo this bra because it’s getting in the way. Also, I’m going to have to pull your underwear down a little so that I can get to your lower back.” At that point, you’re in there! But again, it’s safe to say that you already were - that’s why she agreed to “the massage.”
3. “She’ll have a Long Island; I’ll have a water with lemon.” Ahhhh, the classic get-her-drunk-while-keeping-your-sobriety strategy. Because frankly, there is nothing worse than if you get too drunk and say some stupid shit like, “My girl would kill me if she knew that I was out with you.” But even that blunder pails in comparison to you getting so drunk that certain portions of your anatomy don’t work, which defeats the entire purpose of getting HER drunk.
4. “We should take a vacation!” This is basically a euphemistic phrase for “We should fuck!” There is no way that she is going on a three-day cruise with you (the college equivalent of the French Riviera) without fucking you. If for some reason that you didn't get some ass, it was for two reasons: (1) you got too drunk at the bar by the pool and said some stupid shit (see strategy number 3), or (2) you're gay and you simply took her on the cruise to quell your parents’ ever present suspicions.
5. “Girl, it’s not about the sex; I’m just really feeling who you are as a person.” Young Black guys, utter the above phrase (verbatim), and, within half an hour, there should be an ass in your face, and a pillow in hers. You see, for whatever reason, girls back then must have gotten off on hearing guys say that, because from about the age of 15, any intelligent girl should know that when it comes to guys, it’s ALWAYS about sex – never you. “I want to get to know you” is Black guy talk for “I hope that you will give me the opportunity to figure out how to fuck you.” Only after the first condom is flushed does the “getting to know the girl as a person” actually begin. If she’s cool, she’s a keeper! If not, don’t spend more than a year trying to get her to break up with you.
6. “Yo, we should try to get up and study this weekend.” My worst grades usually came after “studying” with a girl. Knowing that when you said “study,” you meant “fuck,” she wears booty shorts, a tank top, lip gloss, and earrings to the study session. So that when she opens the door to let you in, your dumb ass is shocked because you didn’t think that she could actually see through your bullshit. And that even though you would ultimately fail the test, at least you always had your boys to help you comb through the cost-benefit analysis. E.g., “Yeah, you got a 58 on the test, but all you have to do is get a 100 on the next four tests in order to pass. Just be grateful that you hit that shit - because she wasn’t giving that up to anybody!!!”
7. “Girl, you don’t need to be lifting all of that shit. I’ll help you move this weekend!” Now, whenever guys need their boys to help them move, something is always going on that weekend. E.g., “Now look, you know you my nigga right? And you know that I would help you move. But I could have swore that I told you a few days ago that I was taking Neisha to Madagascar for the weekend?” Yet, let a girl ask one of your homeboys to help her move. Your homeboy could be on Workmen’s Comp, knowing that his Black ass is under surveillance by the insurance company’s fraud squad, and he will STILL help that bitch move. Why? Because it’s usually a good way to get into some “draws.”
8. “Do you smoke?” If she says yes, then you need to proceed to the next step, which is for you to say, “We should have a session sometime.” If she says yes, it’s because she’s 80/20 that she’s going to fuck you. How do I know this? Well, trust me, no one is going to have “a session” with someone that they couldn’t see themselves possibly fucking; (good) weed, unlike liquor, provides too profound of an experience to share with just any ugmo (so I hear). Therefore, the onus is on the guy to (1) not say anything stupid, (2) to be man enough to take advantage of the situation that she wants you to take advantage of, and (3) to make sure that you have purchased good weed. Any of that Bama shit will have her walking out of your door - leaving you to your own frustrations, your own bottle of Lubriderm, and your own right hand.
9. “Just let me go down on you – that’s all I want to do.” You had to be careful with this one, because frankly, she might just take you up on your offer. To illustrate this point, guys, just think back to high school, to the days where although we were selective about who could hold our hand in front of our locker, anyone could suck our dick - and I mean anyone. You could be as ugly as that woman from Mo’ Money, yet, so long as you gave good head, you at least had a ride home. Now, don’t get me wrong. So long as you put in work on that clit (and hear me, I'm talking about setting off an earthquake in her legs), you were usually in there; that’s why I listed this as a strategy. The thing is, I put this disclaimer out there to warn all of the ugly guys... In that I don’t want you to assume that just because she heard through the grapevine that you’re running off four orgasms in a row, that the fact of that then translates into her wanting to see your monkey-looking face three inches above hers, sweating all over her and shit.
And, that about does it. Fellas, if I missed any good ones, feel free to call me on it. Oh, and ladies, if I missed any good ones, feel free to call me on it. Yet, whatever is added to the list, I want everyone who reads this post to keep one thing in mind: every strategy listed in this post - that manages to work - only works because the woman wanted to fuck you anyway. So for all my ugly dudes, don't get dissappointed when you offer to take a woman on a vacation, she accepts, but you don't see her again until you're checking in for your flight back to the States.
Real talk, reminiscing on this crazy ass list is the only thing that got me past the fact that I lost forty dollars last night. Why in the hell did I play that King? Anyway people, until the next post, peace…
Hillary Clinton is starting to remind me of that ex that just won’t go away.
And not just any kind of ex, but that late-20s to early-30s kind of ex who is pissed that you want to break up with her NOW when her market value isn’t as high as it was when she was 23. The kind of ex whose dumb ass thought that the relationship was going well when you knew (along with your friends, your parents, her friends, and her parents) that she was on her way out at least 8 months ago – you were just looking for the perfect time to “get out.”
In terms of the Democrats' relationship with Hillary Clinton, tell me that Senator Barack Obama hasn’t provided that opportunity...
“An Obama” is a person who miraculously comes along at the end of a toxic relationship and provides (1) a lot of things that that bitch of an ex refused to do for you – even after you made it clear to her that those were the things that you needed, and (2) a means to avoid pleasantly dwelling on the ONE quality that your bitch of an ex might have possessed.
As to reason number (2), just think about it. Everytime that you want to break up with someone (particularly a bitch), you hesitate, because regardless of the 362 days out of the year that you’re miserable with the bitch, you fool yourself into believing that “the good times with this person outweigh the bad times.” That to say that then, the minute that you’re finally about to break up with the bitch (in order to avoid slapping the shit out of her for slamming doors in your house when you’ve repeatedly told her crazy ass how you feel about that shit), you think back to the ONE good day that you had with her two years ago and start to fear that you’ll never meet anyone who can make you as happy as she made you on THAT day.
But just as that flawed logic comes dangerously close to fucking up any chance for future happiness, for those fortunate enough to experience it, an Obama comes along to save the day. An Obama is unquestionably amazing at the end of a toxic relationship because an Obama keeps you from having those “I’m lonely and I’ll never meet anyone like my bitch of an ex” thoughts. Moreover, an Obama comes along and helps you realize that (1) not only does she posses the ONE quality that kept you hanging on to your bitch ass ex for two years too long, but that (2) she shows you that there is so much more that you wanted out of a person that you never even knew that you needed UNTIL you met this Obama. But that’s not all...
An Obama comes into your life and does everything that your ex used to TALK SHIT about one day doing, but never actually got around to doing it (why does lackluster oral sex come to mind here?). Aside from all of that, you’re amazed because all of your family and friends LOVE your new Obama! They didn’t even know that they hated your ex so much UNTIL they met Obama. At family functions, random family members come up to you and say things like, “I like this one! And the more that I think about it, I’m GLAD that you got rid of that door-slamming ass bitch.”
Don’t get me wrong though. It's not as if your ex was Satan’s reincarnation. Overall she was probably smart, driven, and at the end of the day, you probably would have lived the “good life” with two kids, a four bedroom home, and friends that were jealous of the way that your relationship appeared to be on the outside. Nevertheless, you could never be truly happy with her because for whatever good that she could provide, she was still a BITCH at the end of the day who just happened to be better than some of the other bitches that you dealt with before her. I.e., she was “the tallest midget.” And seeing as how she was a bitch, she refused to go down easy (be it by simply bowing out of your life, or, by bowing out of the presidential race).
See, for all of the shit that she used to talk about you – how "selfish" you were, or how she's the best thing that your sorry ass could ever get, at the end of the day, she knows that YOU'RE the best thing that SHE could ever get. She knows that she'll never meet anyone as promising as you again, who in addition to that, will put up with her bitch ass attitude for four years like you did. So as an Obama begins to make the transition into your life, you ALREADY KNOW that your ex is going to be calling you 14 times an hour, leaving mean voice messages so long that they get cut off and she has to call back, promising “to change” and not be the bitch that she was for the entire four years that you were together, and constantly trying to play on your fears of being alone.
Enter Hillary Clinton.
Now look, just like your ex, Hillary Clinton is not Satan’s reincarnation. And she’s definitely not George W. Bush. But even more than that, she possesses that ONE good quality (like your ex) that at points earlier in the campaign, made it hard to fully allow Obama's transition into your life; that ONE quality being her husband Bill Clinton. And it goes without saying that the minute that Black people hear Bill Clinton’s name, “the good times that I have with this person outweigh the bad times” doctrine comes into play. So regardless of the bullshit that Hillary Clinton may be about (i.e. "It's 3am; if you allow Obama to pick up the phone, then your child will be ass raped.") before South Carolina, Black people didn’t care. In fact, Hillary's ONE quality was strong enough that Black people didn’t even care that there was a BLACK MAN running for president! At that point, all that mattered to Black people too-scared-to-let-go were the good old days that the Clintons provided BACK IN 1995. Nevermind all of the shit that the Clintons didn’t do for us in 8 years, we were going to stick with them because we had better days with them than we had with Reagan or the Bush’s. Again, “the tallest midget” theory comes to mind.
Nonetheless, to Black people's credit, once "that line" is crossed, anyone can be cut – be it an ex, or, be it an ex-president. Enter the South Carolina Primary, or, as I like to put it, "the last door that Hillary Clinton would slam in my goddamn house." There, her ONE quality ran around the state telling White voters to pay no attention to the fact that Obama would probably win the primary. In fact, he basically put it like this: “Look y'all, if Jesse Goddamn Jackson could win this state, then what does that say about the niggers who live here? It says that these niggers will vote for any nigga that’s on the ballot!!! Obama ain’t shit – he’s just got these niggers fooled.”
But how could “the first Black president” say all of that with a straight face when Obama had just won Iowa a few weeks before? And when it comes to Whiteness, Iowa makes Wyoming look like the south side of Chicago (coincidentally, Obama won Wyoming today). So tying that into the greater analogy of this post, Iowa basically served as that “family function” where you realized how much everyone in your family loved Obama and hated your ex. I mean come on, Hillary came in third place in Iowa!
Obama then ran off 11 states in a row as he made the transition into the minds of millions of Americans who really didn’t want Hillary as president, but were giving her credit for that one day back in 1995 when we weren't depressed about the Iraq War. Yet, as Obama kept winning, instead of simply fucking off – or even congratulating the man out of common courtesy – Hillary stuck around making excuses like your crazy ass ex. She kept telling you that because of her "experience," she knows you better than anyone else could ever know you (*). She leaves millions of voice messages claiming that Barack HUSSEIN Obama has you fooled. And even though she voted for the war and has supported it for six years, she now tells you that she will “change” and pull the troops out of Iraq if you just stick with her. Mannnnn, fuck that. Moreover, fuck her, her racist ass husband, her racist ass campaign, and the dumb ass people who are willing to "settle" for her because they "know what they are getting with her." Which is the same reason why your best friend won't leave that bitch that he's currently with...
Still, I must give Hillary credit for winning Texas and Ohio last Tuesday – the most important wins of her campaign. Tuesday also served as the day that Mexicans (not Latinos) were noticed for the first time since their bullshit “protests” a couple of years ago that accomplished absolutely nothing. In order to win last Tuesday, Hillary used the same "prey on your weaknesses" strategy that your ex would always use as her last measure. See, once “that line” has been crossed, the only thing that can keep your ex in the picture is sex – your BIGGEST weakness. And although your new Obama is amazing in every aspect, and you can see from the couple of times that you've had sex that the two of you will be having AMAZING sex in the future, at the end of the day, you are still more sexually compatible with your ex because AT THIS POINT she has the most "experience" with your body. So as you’re learning your way with your new Obama, it’s nothing for your ex to con you over to her house by saying something such as, “If you don’t come over here and pick up this X-Box, I’m going to throw it out.” You go over there all unassuming with Madden '08 on your mind only to have her answer the door wearing that girly lotion that smells so good, those short shorts with her ass cheeks hanging out the back, that lip gloss that kind of tastes good, and that thong coming out of the top of those short shorts. And at that point, it’s over. You’re GOING to fuck.
And that’s what happened this past Tuesday. Hillary – like your bitch of an ex – knows that it’s ultimately over. But since she also knows that it wouldn't turn people on to see her in a thong, she decided to prey on weak ass Mexicans. She knows that Mexicans don’t trust Blacks (i.e. Obama) – as they shouldn’t, because what do we owe them? They’re racist as hell (ask any Black person in a California prison), they break the law every day that they’re over here without a visa working for plantation wages, and they smell (generally). That is why I refuse to look at Latinos as one group and I get mad at the news media for doing so. I mean come on; I’m here in NYC with nothing but Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Cubans, etc. Trust me; these aforementioned Latinos couldn't be culturally further from Mexicans (aside from the language). They look down on Mexicans just as much as the next Earthling. That said, it should be common knowledge that you cannot contrast Latinos (as a group) to Blacks because “Latinos” are not one homogeneous group. Shit, there are Black Latinos! Nonetheless, Hillary is playing these Mexicans the same way that your ex tried to play you with sex. Yet just as the sex could only keep your ex in the picture for the twenty minutes that it took for you to bust all over her crack, praying on Mexican's fears will only keep Hillary in the picture so long as Texas and California are holding primaries. And at the end of the day, those primaries are over. The delegate lead speaks louder than Hillary's bitching about "speeches."
So all of that to say, Hillary, please leave. Although you are not George W. Bush, neither is John McCain. Should you "ex-girlfriend" your way into the nomination, I will not vote for you. This is not 2004 where I had to vote AGAINST Bush by voting for Kerry. John McCain is not the idiot that Bush is, so, I don't have too much to fear. Not to mention, conservatives (i.e. racists) don't like John McCain that much, so, that also serves to put my mind at ease. And trust me, assuming that you use the "superdelegates" to steal the nomination, I will not be the only Black person to either (1) stay at home on election day, or (2) vote for John McCain. Hell, as we can all agree, the only thing better than leaving your ex (particularly if she’s a bitch) is to find out that her life after you wasn’t as pleasant as she planned. Especially if you find out that her new boyfriend is whooping her ass on a daily basis. And should we vote John McCain into office for that same spiteful reason, at least we can be assured that he'll put up a border fence so as to prevent anymore of that bullshit that occurred in Texas last Tuesday.
So in any event, I wish the best for Senator Obama. It has truly been a pleasure watching someone that looks like me go further than I ever believed a politician that looked like me could go in this country. And although Michelle Obama had to “clarify” her comments, I’m not afraid to say that for the first time in my life, I am extremely proud of my country. With the judgment that Obama has shown in the past (coming out against the War when it could have been political suicide), the people that he places around him (how else could his Black ass have made it this far in a PRESIDENTIAL campaign?), and the way that he can inspire people without needing a terrorist attack to do so, I am behind this man all the way. So until the next post, peace…
(*) What is it with Hillary and all of this "experience" talk? Haven't you ever been trained by some idiot at a new job who had X amount of years more seniority than you? It never fails that within a matter of one week, this person will have you wondering who in THE HELL they had to blow in order to still be with the company. In fact, they're so inept that you just want to do the opposite of anything that they say. So what good is the "experience" factor if at the end of the day it's useless? And when it comes to Hillary Clinton, her experience IS useless. I mean come on, if half of the Democratic party is currently despising her ass, then what do you think that the Republicans are thinking about her? If her polarizing ass makes it back to that White House, do her Upper East Side supporters REALLY think that she'll accomplish much? Being someone who has lived twenty-plus years around conservative White people in both the Midwest and the South, take my word for it when I say NO. Hillary can have all of the "experience" in the world, but seeing as how we don't live in a dictatorship (per se), she WILL have to find a way to get along with Republicans in order to accomplish anything. And seeing as how Republicans hate Hillary more than O.J. hated his ex, her presidency will be about as viable as Isaiah Thomas' presidency has been for the Knicks.
Seeing as how the R&B that I came up with has been completely phased out by entertainers (note: not singers) such as Ne-Yo, Chris Brown, and [any other person born after 1989], from here on out, I am taking it upon myself to do a P-esque style throwback every month.
For your reference, it must be known that I came up with the R&B that progressed from the late-80's to the mid-to-late-90's. Whereas most people attach music to the lyrics of the song, I have always attached music to various periods in my life. Seeing as how the 90's in particular was one hell of a decade for me (the only one - so far - that I have lived all the way through), much of these "back-in-the-day" cuts that I provide you with will come from that time. Specifically, look for cuts from the mid-to-late-90's because that brings back all of my middle school/high school memories (i.e. the good ol' days where you talked to girls (freaks) on the phone until 4 in the morning, where getting jacked off was the equivalent of great sex, and where you had no responsibilities in the world other than working at Marshalls from 5-9 three times during the week and from 2-10 on Saturdays).
With that said, enjoy the first back-in-the-day cut. I have some GREAT 9th grade memories to this one. Whatever happened to these cats? Timbaland threw down on the beat - reminiscent of his "One In A Million" masterpiece. Also, the beyond gorgeous "video-vixen" in this one may help shed some light as to why my man was trying to throw a light-skinned party back home in The D. Nevertheless, peace....
Lack Of Eligible Black Men? Black Women, Shut The Fuck Up....
So, the older that I get, the more and more I am finding myself having to listen to educated and successful Black women’s bullshit about there being no eligible Black men for them. Well, admittedly, maybe it’s not that much of bullshit (because face it, the argument does hold weight - somewhat) as much as it is the outright denial on the part of educated and successful Black women.
To the extent that Black women’s complaining is not bullshit, I will concede that you do have those Black men out there - blue collar AND white collar Black men - that do not deal well with Black women having an opinion (and God forbid that the Black woman not only have an opinion, but, actually express it!). I can see how that would fuck up a successful, educated Black woman’s “eligibility pool.” But, really Black women, do you actually believe this problem to be one that only affects you? Shit, if you ever watch Dr. Phil, you can go behind the scenes into White peoples' homes and find that a plethora of White women (the educated and the dumb as hell) have the same issue - the issue of a man wanting the woman to do nothing more but cook, clean, lick his balls from time to time, and shut the fuck up. The issue of SOME men having a problem with opinionated women is an issue that transcends race (just ask the women who flee to the U.S. due to some "elder" back home wanting to chop off their clit).
But, nevertheless, I will go ahead and assume that it is easier for an educated White woman to tell a man that has a problem with her opinions to fuck off than it is for a like-situated Black woman to do the same. This assumption rests on Black women's universal belief that there is a “lack of eligible Black men." So if Black women are in fact correct, let’s address the reasons (there are only two) as to why this pool of eligible Black men seems so small, in the hope that ultimately, Black women will finally shut the fuck up with all their incessant complaining.
Reason # 1:
The educated, successful Black women that complain the most are usually (1) the MOST educated and successful, and (2) the ones that ALWAYS end up on the stereotypical “Black-forum” television programs complaining about their inability to find some status-comparable dick. Black men will note that these are usually some of the ugliest bitches that you have ever seen in your life. These women are arrogant enough to sit up there and complain that it’s their education and success that scare off Black men and not their fucked up hair, unfortunate-looking face, and/or lack of desirable body features (such as nice thighs, a reasonable body weight, an ass comparable to that of Trina’s circa 2001, etc.).
Let’s keep it real ugly ass successful Black women, do you ever see ugly ass successful White women up on Oxygen angry about all the White men who are intimidated by their intellectual prowess? No!!! Because these White women are educated enough to know that it has nothing to do with their “success” and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that they’re ugly as fuck! Successful, attractive men - of any race - enjoy the company of a beautiful woman (be they successful women, or, be they the type of woman that Oran “The Juice” Jones had to throw out of his house).
To all of my ugly ass successful Black women; that lecture that your ugly ass mother gave you about it being “the inside that really counts” should really be left at the door. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the inside does count. I’ve been with some BEAUTIFUL Black women that I’ve had to cut off after it turned out that they were psychotic, bi-polar, etc. But, whether people want to admit this or not, the only reason that people will ever care to know what someone is like on the inside will stem from the fact that they want to fuck the shit out of what they initially see on the outside....
So, to these successful, educated, albeit ugly ass Black women, I say, stop complaining. Yes, as much as it pains you to say it during your sixth appearance on some “state of the Black male/female relationship” television program, you may just have to go ahead and date a White man. Hell, it may not be so bad! I mean, whenever I do see a White man with a Black woman, the Black woman is usually SO ugly (like you), that in a way, the White man views her as exotic. And we all know that White men love the exotic type, so....
Reason # 2:
The other type of complaining, albeit successful Black woman is usually STUNNING. Beyonce stunning. Nia Long circa 1999 stunning. Halle Berry circa Strictly Business/Boomerang stunning. The type of successful, professional Black woman that I would see walking the streets at lunch during my time in Atlanta. This woman usually has that aforementioned 2001 Trina ass - an ass so desirable that you’ll fuck around and rear-end the person in front of you just so that you can get a better look. She’s usually got that brown to light-brown skin, a beautiful face, and carries herself really well (as if she knows that she’s fine).
She’s usually not as smart or successful as her ugly ass colleague from Reason # 1, but, this is because unlike a Reason #1 type of Black woman, men have actually been trying to fuck this type of successful Black woman for quite some time now. Therefore, unlike her ugly ass colleague, this Black woman didn’t need to study all of the time to keep her mind off of the fact that no man wanted to have her face down in a pillow. So, in high school, and college, men took her out on dates. She may have even been attractive enough to become an AKA. During this time, her girls/sorority sisters always wanted her to come out with them because they KNEW that being seen out with her, all the attention would focus on their clique. So although she didn’t keep the 9.0 GPA like the ugly bitch from Reason # 1, she was always smart enough to keep her GPA around a 3.2 or higher.
So, I know that you're wondering, with all that this woman has going for her, how is it that she can't find a man?
Well, this woman actually can find a man (successful Black men are trying to get with her all the time), she just realizes that it's A LOT harder for her to keep a comparable Black man than it is for a like-situated White woman to keep her man - and it bothers her. It bothers her because although she is beyond gorgeous, quite successful, and an all-around "good woman" (i.e. she cooks, listens to her man's sorrows, randomly sucks his dick while he's watching The Pistons play, etc.), she seems to always get dogged by whatever successful Black man she ends up with. She can't figure out why do all these supposed "good catches" keep treating her like shit, cheating on her, and not too much giving a fuck about her once she finally swallows. Well, here's the answer....
Generally speaking, educated, successful Black men don't give too much of a shit about educated, successful Black women's feelings because frankly, educated, successful Black women didn't give too much of a shit about these successful Black men UNTIL they became successful. No Mike Jones....
Case in point:
Let's be real, high school is not that difficult. So long as you do your homework, turn in your homework, and study for the test the night before you take it, you're already working with a 3.2 GPA. The more you do (i.e. extra credit work, study for the test a week before you take it, etc.), you're already looking at graduating with one of those specialty ribbons. Because high school is so easy, many Black women (ugly and beautiful) do really well. Due to their GPA's, and, due to the fact that Affirmative Action still has about another 7 years before it is a thing of the past, these Black women get into some amazing schools. But, what about the Black men?
Well, seeing as how I always went to school in the suburbs - even when my zipcode was 48221 - I can only speak for suburban Black male students. So first, let's classify the types of Black guys that you have in suburban schools:
(i) You have the Black guys whose parents renounced their Blackness long ago (and for whatever reason, these are usually some of the most Wesley Snipes looking MF's that you've ever seen). These guys have lived in the suburbs their entire lives, so, they legitimately think that they are White (because culturally, they are). They only fuck with White women, and, will only fuck with White women for the rest of their lives. They do well in school - because White culture does not socially punish those who do okay in high school - and hence, become "eligible" Black men in adulthood. Unfortunately for Black women, generally speaking, White women give the best head, and, since it is the only head that this guy has ever known, he's not settling for less, which, later on in life, significantly contributes to the successful Black woman's shortage of Black men.
(ii) Next, you have the ugly ass Black guy. Because this guy can't get any ass - from either Black or White women - this guy, like the Reason #1 Black woman, decides to focus his attention on his schoolwork (and his porn; this guy always had the best porn in high school). He does really well in school, and usually ends up at the university of his choice. He's the guy that you hear Howard women discussing, "There are no guys at this school!!! Well, I mean there are guys at this school, but, I'm not trying to be bending over for any of their ugly asses." Later on in life, however, many of the beautiful, successful, and educated Black women that I speak of will finally give this guy some ass as a last ditch effort before having to marry a White man (assuming of course that the prospect of being single for all eternity bothers her).
(iii) Next, you have the suburban thug. I once dedicated an entire post to this guy. This guy did well in school - all the way from kindergarten until some point in the 9th Grade. The minute that he arrived to high school, however, he noticed that all of the girls that he came up with in middle school were gravitating towards either (a) older guys, which there is nothing you can do anything about, (b) the dropouts and/or thugs from other schools that would always be standing next to their Box Chevy's in the parking lot after school waiting to pick up one of the baddest bitches at the school, or, most importantly (c) the guys who pretended to be thugs in school because they knew that Black high school girls liked that kind of shit.
Instead of focusing on the easy ass high school curriculum, this guy is too busy trying to portray an image. So, instead of doing homework, he's watching BET all night. At school, he's smoking weed in the bathroom so that his eyes will be chinky at lunch - a feat that impresses high school Black girls (who in the mean time are keeping up their 3.2 GPA's). This guy does horrible in high school. When all is said and done, and he realizes that the high school world only lasts four years, he then realizes that he fucked up. At this point, he either (a) spends an eternity in community college trying to catch up to everyone else, (b) gets a job at Enterprise Rental Car and tries to work his way up the corporate glass ceiling, (c) spends the next ten years as one of the guys in the high school parking lot trying to fuck with young ho's that still think he is cool, or (d) ends up in prison. This guy OBVIOUSLY contributes to Black women's shortage of eligible Black men.
(iv) Finally, you have, well, the Black guy like me (please believe, and my faithful readers know, I never use this blog to be arrogant; I'm just using myself as an example here because there are A LOT of Black guys that grew up like me who will understand where I am about to go with this).
As has been said too many times on this blog, the earlier years of my life were spent growing up near the intersection of Livernois Road and 7 Mile Road in Detroit, MI. Yet, thank God for my mom, instead of allowing the Detroit Public School System to fuck up any chance of advancement in my life, she sent me to a Catholic school out on East 12 Mile Road in Royal Oak, MI. When her job moved her to Atlanta, I ended up at a comparable school on the south side.
Yet, the fact that I went to good, predominately White schools, did not take away from the fact that I knew where the hell my roots were (hell, I had to go home everyday). I have strong family ties. I am not from a rich family, so, I get along best with everyday people, but, the fact of the matter is, I have been around rich White kids from an early age. So, frankly, I feel as though I got the best of both worlds.
Being in the White culture from an early age, there was no shame in doing well in school. So, when I got to high school, nothing changed. I'm not an ugly guy, so, I got enough ass to sustain me, but, in being honest, I did used to envy the type (iii) "suburban thugs" that got ALL the ass. These guys - along with their fake suburban thug homeboys - would skip school with some of the most beautiful Black girls and come to school the next day telling us how "that bitch" managed to suck six dicks at once, let three guys fuck her at the same time, and already had a half-gallon of sperm on her while the rest of us were sitting in 2nd period British Lit. In my mind, I would coddle myself by saying that these guys were just making shit up; until of course they would show me the video that they made of it....
Black suburban girls would do anything for these guys. Many guys like myself (but not me) ended up becoming the type (iii) suburban thug because frankly, everything in high school revolves around ass. At the end of the day, guys want ass. They will do whatever it takes to get the ass, especially at that young of an age. Being that we were so young, girls were not as open with their sexuality as they are now. As most people my age and older will agree, you can usually end up with some ass by the third date (because women know whether they're going to fuck you from around the time that they intially meet you). Yet, back in high school, it could take anywhere from 3 months to 3 years to get some ass depending on what type of chick you were dealing with. With that reality, many suburban Black guys recognized that, "Hey, those fake suburban thugs seem to get not only a lot of ass, but, they get a lot of ass in a reasonable amount of time, so, I think it's about time that I start failing some classes up in this bitch."
Well, I didn't go that route, but, I did resent the fact that I didn't get as much ass as I could/should have simply because I was trying to go to college where I knew the level of ass to be much more regarded (i.e. I knew that I had to do well in high school). That's why I thank God that I went to high school in Atlanta. By attending many of the basketball and football games for Clark, Morris Brown, Spelman, etc., I made up my mind long ago that college was the place to be because I could see for myself the numbers disparity between Black men and women in higher education. Once I got to college, as well as many of the Black men like myself, things were great. I didn't even go to Howard (where the woman to man ratio is like 12/1), but, still, the Black man to Black woman ratio at Georgia State worked quite well in my favor - as it did in the favor of most guys there. Once you get into graduate school, the numbers are even crazier. Once you get into the corporate world, forget about it....
And that right there is why Black women have a "lack of eligible Black men." Unfortunately, this post can't speak to the numbers, but, please believe that there is a significant amount of young Black guys that got caught up with the type (iii) suburban thug syndrome. They got caught up, because, face it Black women, in high school, you liked those thuggy guys more than you did the guys who were on their shit! I'll never forget one of "your kind," who in high school said to me, "Phil, you're the type of guy that I want to end up with later in life, but, for now, I don't know what it is, but, I just want a thug in my life." She said that shit to me with a straight face too. Now that we're 24 (i.e. "later in life"), her, and many of her dumbass friends are constantly hitting me up on Facebook, but, I just ignore their pokes....
Generally speaking, Black guys, such as myself, have seen the numbers disparity since at least the first week of undergrad. We know that beautiful, successful, educated Black women outnumber us in the "successful" world, and, admittedly, many guys on my level play it to their advantage. Hell, why not? Black girls didn't give a shit about us then, so, why should we give them all the respect in the world now?
It really does suck, but, being in the "high school world" really places a blanket on perception. When you're in 10th grade, it seems like you'll be in that place forever. Yet, in reality, those years fly by and at the end, you're stuck with what you did. Sadly, I don't know if Black parents are doing a well enough job at explaining how important high school is. High school determines where you go to college, which determines where you go to graduate school, which determines which jobs you are likely to get. Sucky high school grades lead to sucky colleges, which in turn leads to sucky graduate schools and/or jobs. That's just how it is. Black parents must do a better job at letting their kids know that there will be a world outside of those high school hallways. It took me graduating from high school, and then, college, to understand how fast time really flies. Four years goes by like that, and, as I said, at the end of the four years, you're stuck with what you did - not what you could have done had you applied yourself.
Summarily, from the conversations that I've had with many Black women my age on this topic, it seems that Black parents also need to do a better job with telling their girls what they should look for in a man. In high school, I never saw White girls messing around with the losers that Black girls would. You know what, I take that back. Sometimes those fake suburban thugs would skip school with a White girl, but, to the White girl's credit, I know that she would have never thought about letting one of those guys be her boyfriend. Meanwhile, Black girls used to sit around and cry all day about the fact that their type (iii) boyfriend got caught with some Grey Goose in his locker.
When White girls got a boyfriend, he would always be an upstanding guy that she could "take home" to Mom and Dad. Black girls didn't do that because frankly, Black parents have this thing about their daughters not dating until 16 or 17. Meanwhile, White girls are going on group dates at 13-years-old. Those group dates help the White girls, from an earlier age, find out what they want and what they don't want in a guy (on top of what their parents have already told them).
So, in conclusion, Black women, shut the fuck up. There would be a much higher number of "eligible" Black men around had you not caused so many Black guys in high school to throw away their lives. You can say that it shouldn't be all about sex, or girls, but, in high school, for high school boys, it is. You should have seen that from the way that you had guys driving your ass all around town - from taking you to get your nails done, your hair done, taking you to the mall so that you could try on some shoes in one of those girly shoe stores (and then ask his opinion as he sat next to all of the other young guys in there trying to get some ass). If you realized that you could have Black guys doing all of that, you don't think that you could've helped them keep the 3.2 GPA that your ass obviously had? (e.g. "Unless you get at least an 85 on your Statistics test, your balls will be dry this weekend."). If that were the case, Black guys would've been setting the curve so high, that the (no-ass getting) Asian kids would have been like, "What the fuck?" Now, admittedly, there is a noticeable amount of Black guys in high school that focus on their grades moreso than ass, but, these are the guys - that you ignored at the time - who are fucking you over in the corporate and/or "successful" world right now....
White boys know that they have to do well in school, go to college, and etc. if they want the chance to end up with a beautiful White girl. They know this because they know that the White girl's parents will accept no less. With that said, Black parents, should I really have to say any more?
And finally, with all of that said, let Phil say it now: To all young black guys in the high schools of this country, until Black girls and Black girls' parents get their shit together, I want you to relegate yourself to dating White girls in the mean time (*). Seeing as how their parents have told them to never come home with your Black ass, you'll have to work that much harder in school to gain their acceptance. As an extra incentive to those who hesitate to take my advice, remember, generally speaking, White girls give better head anyway. So, by dating these White girls, and, by doing well in school (which is a prerequisite to dating them), maybe, just maybe, when you're older, Black women won't be complaining so much about there being a lack of successful "eligible Black men." At which point, their complaining will revert back to their other favorite argument: "All these eligible Black men want a White bitch." But, that's another post for another time. Peace....
(*) I recognize that this statement is completely contrary to everything that I said in the well-received "Love Jones" post, but, in seeing what is going on with too many young Black men these days, I can't help but throw this out there as a solution. For what it's worth, it seems to me that most of these young Black girls still prefer a Rich Boy-esque type of guy to throw some D's here and there rather than a young Black man that's on his shit. Whereas older Black people - and Black people my age for that matter - are always praising me for my "accomplishments" (that weren't easy, but, nowhere near impossible to attain), I know that the praise only comes from the fact that there are not that many young Black men doing what I am doing - when there could easily be so many more!!! Going to suburban schools, I saw so many young middle-class Black men throwing their opportunities away in an attempt to impress these young Black women who, for whatever reason, wanted a Young Jeezy in their life (while they were on their way to success with their 3.2 GPA's and all). So, as my memory serves me correct (excluding Britney Spears of course), most White girls desired qualities in a boyfriend that had a coorelative effect on the success of young White guys. So, whereas this may be a drastic measure that I am calling for (and an unrealistic one), I wouldn't criticize it so quickly until you yourself can come up with a better idea.
Name: Phil Hamilton E-Mail: Philh826@aol.com Location: New York, New York About Me: My roots in Detroit, MI, I possess a dual degree in Criminal Justice/Sociology from Georgia State University in Atlanta and am currently attending law school in New York so that in life I will be able to help our young brothers and sisters that get caught up in the bullshit of our criminal justice system. I just so happen to detest 99% of all New York Hip-Hop critics; you know, the ones who start shit by generalizing YOUR particular cultural situation knowing good and damn well that most of these fools haven't set foot in all five boroughs let alone your locality. Nevertheless, through their ethnocentrism, they somehow find the arrogance to tell you why their lives, regional culture, and musical tastes are superior to yours. Shiiiit. Born in L.A., I've lived in Detroit, ATL, NYC, soon to be DC, and have managed to step foot on four continents. There is no way in hell that I could take one more "intellectual" NYC Hip-Hop critic trying to stunt on me with their baseless "sophisticated and cosmopolitan" views. In recognition of my irritations, I bestowed upon the world this blog. Peace...
So, the older that I get, the more and more I am finding myself having to listen to educated and successful Black women’s bullshit about there being no eligible Black men for them. Well, admittedly, maybe it’s not that much of bullshit (because face it, the argument does hold weight - somewhat) as much as it is the outright denial on the part of educated and successful Black women.
