2/31/11 – Important Foreign Locale
Today, an important even happened in an important place. Important people have gathered to comment on the gravity of this event, and stress its importance. Experts report that the event is the result of direct action of the plebeian class.
After weeks of rising tensions between the ruling class and a number of dispossessed and impoverished agricultural and industrial workers, the important even occurred. The event has been alternately described as “erupting,” “exploding,” “boiling over,” “detonating,” and, in two isolated instances, “vomiting” and “spewing.”
Myriad think tanks, nonprofits, NGOs, academics, purported experts and self-anointed social media demagogues are busy analyzing the importance of the event from every conceivable angle.
Important First Name Important Surname Professor of Important Discipline at Renowned University believes that this event may well trigger a domino effect of like events in similarly crucial locations.
According to Important Event Watch, an influential NGO, this occurrence may well affect gender and racial relations in microcosmic communities within the affected nation, assuming that anticipated political result C will arise from the collision of Party A and Important Event B.
Dylan Hughes, a Brooklyn resident and central Ohio native, wrote the following on his Facebook before lauding the sound quality of the latest in a long string of 180-gram vinyl Obscure Band re-releases: “The Revolution Will Be Televised! Rise up, people of Important Place.”
Corey Budowski, a sort-of friend to Hughes and renowned Facebook cynic, commented on the post thus: “Easy for you to say. More than half of the participants in the Important Event have been jailed and tortured and no on cares.”
Privileged American liberals and conservatives alike are believed to be preparing rhetorical quips and witticism re: the Important Event and storing them on note cards. Experts posit that these quips will be awkwardly inserted into conversation at Important Social Event or used in similarly rhetorical conversations amongst like-minded privileged Americans and token foreign people at expensive and vaguely ethnic restaurants.
Despite all major global media outlets running heroic photographs of the common people of Important Place holding court against the typical powers that suppress them, it is believed that the event will in no way positively impact the lives of the poor who orchestrated it, in the long term.
When asked about the importance of the event, an uncouth local participant with little education and suspect dental hygiene responded, “I will be back at my horrible job tomorrow, working a solid ten hours of back breaking labor.”
When asked what he did for a living, he spat in the sand and replied, “I make shit for assholes.”
Did he mean objects literally for assholes, like butt plugs or enemas?
“Shove it up your ass,” he spat. The man then inexplicably mentioned carrion and vultures before defecating in a nearby bush.
Today, an important even happened in an important place. Important people have gathered to comment on the gravity of this event, and stress its importance. Experts report that the event is the result of direct action of the plebeian class.
After weeks of rising tensions between the ruling class and a number of dispossessed and impoverished agricultural and industrial workers, the important even occurred. The event has been alternately described as “erupting,” “exploding,” “boiling over,” “detonating,” and, in two isolated instances, “vomiting” and “spewing.”
Myriad think tanks, nonprofits, NGOs, academics, purported experts and self-anointed social media demagogues are busy analyzing the importance of the event from every conceivable angle.
Important First Name Important Surname Professor of Important Discipline at Renowned University believes that this event may well trigger a domino effect of like events in similarly crucial locations.
According to Important Event Watch, an influential NGO, this occurrence may well affect gender and racial relations in microcosmic communities within the affected nation, assuming that anticipated political result C will arise from the collision of Party A and Important Event B.
Dylan Hughes, a Brooklyn resident and central Ohio native, wrote the following on his Facebook before lauding the sound quality of the latest in a long string of 180-gram vinyl Obscure Band re-releases: “The Revolution Will Be Televised! Rise up, people of Important Place.”
Corey Budowski, a sort-of friend to Hughes and renowned Facebook cynic, commented on the post thus: “Easy for you to say. More than half of the participants in the Important Event have been jailed and tortured and no on cares.”
Privileged American liberals and conservatives alike are believed to be preparing rhetorical quips and witticism re: the Important Event and storing them on note cards. Experts posit that these quips will be awkwardly inserted into conversation at Important Social Event or used in similarly rhetorical conversations amongst like-minded privileged Americans and token foreign people at expensive and vaguely ethnic restaurants.
Despite all major global media outlets running heroic photographs of the common people of Important Place holding court against the typical powers that suppress them, it is believed that the event will in no way positively impact the lives of the poor who orchestrated it, in the long term.
When asked about the importance of the event, an uncouth local participant with little education and suspect dental hygiene responded, “I will be back at my horrible job tomorrow, working a solid ten hours of back breaking labor.”
When asked what he did for a living, he spat in the sand and replied, “I make shit for assholes.”
Did he mean objects literally for assholes, like butt plugs or enemas?
“Shove it up your ass,” he spat. The man then inexplicably mentioned carrion and vultures before defecating in a nearby bush.
