I'll fill you in on what happened with the discovery of the body, but first I want to talk about a jolt of seismic proportions in my Love life.

Okay, the thing is, I have a boyfriend; he works for a great company, and he's nice and handsome, but I'm not in love with him anymore. I started feeling this way about a year ago, and I just don't know how to break it off with him. Worse, he's pressuring me about marriage, and I've held him at bay by telling him I want to be done with school and have a stable career first, and that's partially true. But I realized I don't want to get married to him--now or ever.

I haven't been to visit him since I came home for the summer--he lives in New Orleans--or called him. The last time I spoke with him on the phone, he tried to get me to stay with him for a month in New Orleans. I told him in a tentative voice that I wanted to spend my summer alone, just relaxing with my family, and maybe find some piddly summer job. I thought that would be a big hint, since I just don't have the stones to break it off with him.

Anyway, he got quiet, and then muttered something under his breath about how I should look him up when I can squeeze him into my busy schedule.

Since then, I have gotten loads of e-mails about how much he misses me, and how he's going to come visit me this week (unfortunately, he knows where I live). So it looks as if I'm going to have to just break up with him by e-mail. I know that's horrible relationship etiquette, but if i try to do it face-to-face, I'll wimp out. Dammit. I hate him for making me have to do this; why can't he read between the lines?

He's about ten years older than I; I never date a guy who is "my age", I always date men who are older. In fact, I dated a guy once who was 40, not a big deal, except I was 20 at the time! I've always preferred older men for all the reasons a younger woman would: maturity, self-control, success, money, culture, a sense of accomplishment and goals, and more sexual experience. But it seems like I always end up rejecting some of them for being too patriarchal or too ready to settle down, which is twisted, because that's why I seek them out in the first place! I'm not blind to the fact that I have father-figure issues; my dad loves me, but he wasn't around much during my formative years, and I was always a Daddy's girl.

But I don't blame him or my mother for anything, they were just kids themselves when they had me and my brothers.

Anyway, I started working at this little coffeehouse in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago; just a part-time gig, mainly because I hate to just sit around with nothing to do all day. It's a great place, and I love working there. There's a guy that works there, who is also a college student h0me for the summer. I really like him, and I know he feels the same for me. We both started to talk and laugh and connect with each other whilst schlepping soy lattes and frothy cappuccinos to seemingly oh-so cool poseurs too busy to look up from their laptops.

However, there are several complicating elements: he has a girlfriend; I have a boyfriend; he's only 21; oh, and he's only 21!!

I know that's only 7 years difference, but still I feel weird about going out with someone who's so much younger. I've never really dated a guy that young!

But I am soooo wildly attracted to him. His girlfriend is off in dental school or something, and he's going to law school or med school (can't remember which one!) in a year or so. Every time I see him at work, I become more and more drawn to him. Of course he has that young man clueless immaturity and silliness , but that's to be expected. But he totally lacks any young man narcissism and meanness. I really want to sleep with him; the other day I "accidentally" brushed up against him, and a current of lust zinged through me, making me hyper aware of the texture of my panties against my hot skin; I suddenly started squirming, and felt like I might have to go "take care" of myself in the bathroom.

I keep having dreams about the two of us sleeping together: blurry sensual pictures and textures of his twinkling dark blue eyes, and a flash of white teeth under shapely lips, and of sweaty limbs entangled in a feverish embrace.

I'm actually looking forward to being off for the next two days and not seeing him: this is torture! This enslavement to the slightest smoldering glance, or the way his shaggy hair lays against his masculine-shaped neck, or the way his hips stand at a certain angle. It's like I can't concentrate on the everyday ordinary tasks.

I've gone on for longer than I wanted about this, but next post I promise to bring you up to date on the mayhem of the dead body and all that I've found out so far.