Regardless of whether the relationship ended amicably or you have removed every reference to them from your daily life, it can still powerfully affect you when you see that they have moved on.

We may not like to admit it but there is this slight pressure to be the first one to look ‘okay’ and bounce back from the heartbreak. However, those feelings won’t last forever and there are some helpful ways to help reduce the pain and allow you to keep focusing on yourself and your own healing process.

When you’re thinking

They’ve won

For starters, no they haven’t – they haven’t got you. That is the mindset you should be operating. Secondly, it is easy to think like this and don’t beat yourself up for caring. As human beings, we are naturally competitive and it’s hard to keep looking calm and composed when you’re hurting. However, just remember that you never really know the back story behind it.

They could be a rebound? It might just be a distraction to take their mind off of you? Rather than jumping into another Relationship, you are doing yourself a favour by waiting, letting the wounds heal and then finding someone you actually deserve. Don’t worry that they are thinking they have won – if they are actually following that mentality, it’s clear that they are still thinking about you.

I still love them

Irrespective of how the relationship Ended, it is always more complicated when there are still feelings involved. However, things ended for a reason and whether there is still love there or not, you both know that it’s healthier to move on. It will be hard to see them with someone else but the best thing to do is to not compare yourself – something we are consistently guilty of.

Secondly, try to limit contact with them as much as possible; whether this is removing them from your social media feed or not attending every single social event they’re at, it will help speed up the healing process and take your mind off of them.

Also read: What to do after breakup?

They don’t deserve to

If things ended badly, there can be this underlying desire to interfere in your ex’s next relationship. While a part of you may want to believe that this is just you looking out for their new partner, your logical side knows it runs deeper than that.

Rather than looking like you care, you will just appear jealous and looking like you care in the wrong way. Let them do their thing and try to focus on you – remember why you broke up and what negative energy you have cleared from your life thus far. Don’t pollute it again by wasting your time thinking about them.

So what should you do and not do?

Do

• Go on a self-improvement kick – break ups are always crappy and when your ex starts seeing someone new, you can’t help but take it a little personally. While this new relationship is no reflection on you or your character, it can make you feel a lot better if you start changing some things in your life that you always planned to. Maybe go for that new hair colour you have been wanting to try? Perhaps take on those evening classes you didn’t have the time for before?
• Exercise – it’s a great way to release that anger and nothing feels better than workout endorphins. Plus, sometimes an ex moving on can be brilliant motivation when it comes to boxing classes. Who knew?
• Take your time. Enjoy moments with your friends and family without the added pressure of needing to meet someone. You have all the time in the world so just focus on the other important relationships in your life and don’t feel like there’s a void that needs filling.

Don’t

• Unfollow your ex on social media and then start Facebook stalking their new partner – this is only going to end badly.
• Compare yourself – whether they look like you or not, you are entirely your own person and no-one is going to replace you and what you both had.
• Wallow for too long – a few movie marathon evenings and bottles of wine are fine, but don’t let it take over your life.
• Rebound – everyone works to their own schedule, don’t feel pressurised to start adhering to your ex’s.

Also read: Finding a relationship online

Ultimately, it’s important to note that it’s okay to have a reaction to your ex moving on but to also know that it is in no way a reflection on what you two had. It can be horrible at first but by following these guidelines, you’ll soon forget all about them and their rebound!

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