Fresh cracks are beginning to appear in the footpath outside 69A Credibility Avenue, the home of the most popular of Mediawork’s stable of TV networks, TV3.
TV3, now known as something impossible to graphically represent with any real typeface, is about to begin production on a bold new innovative Reality Series, that will “blow all those other shows outta the water”, according to the network’s public affairs spokesperson Lila Lyrapantsonfyre.
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Sex in the Dunnies will feature couples locked inside toilet cubicles in upmarket shopping plazas in West Auckland with cameras recording every movement. “It’s entirely unscripted, like everything we put on air,” Ms Lyrapantsonfyre said. “We just shoot the shit – if you’ll pardon the series concept document – out of everything and then shape it into insightful, fast-paced ratings-winning half hours later.”
Participants have already been selected, after a rigorous screening process. “We looked for genuine people, who have an interesting story. And smooth unmoving foreheads,” the spokesperson said. “Then we made them sit through the entire series of Disparate Auckland Tarts and if they stayed till the end without vomiting, they were in.”
While producers are hoping for the couples to provide drama, pathos, wit and wry humour, they’re also prepared for full-on bonking, should it occur.
“Despite the title, and the salacious pre-publicity, the show’s not about sex,” Ms Lyrapantsofyre said. “It’s about real human beings connecting in a meaningful way, with sensitive lighting to accentuate the extensive physical remodelling we’re asked them to go through.”
“In terms of keeping everyone safe, we have experts on hand to offer advice based on whatever they learned doing their dodgy online degrees, and a powerful sprinkler system.”
Sex in the Dunnies will screen in the slot vacated by Dancing with the Stars and is expected to be hosted by TV3’s go-to onscreen presence, former professional funnyman Dai Henwood. He has rejected claims his career as an entertainer is over since he’s taken over the hosting role of Family Feud, DWTS and now SitD.
“I’m still a comedian,” Mr Henwood said. “You can tell by my bow-tie. Wowsa!”
