"Do you want to be friends...maybe?"
That's all I had to say. That's all I had to fucking say. That's all I had to fucking say.
From the third day of class I have with this pretty, nice girl, I had this in my head to say to her. I'd catch her walking down the hall and say "Hey _______!" She'd say "Hey!" Then I would say it, "Do you want to be friends... maybe?" and then she would reply with something along the lines of "Yeah, for sure!" Then I'd be right there following up with "Do you have facebook?" Then she'd say yes and we'd exchange info and we'd all live happily ever after. I don't know, I wasn't honestly thinking about the after, I just... lived for this exchange to happen since the day I saw this girl. And I know 100% it would happen, or something very similar... If I would just grow the balls and initiate the encounter with her. As I said, I came up with this scheme in my head one of the first days of the once a week class after seeing her and now we're at, what, a few months later class is almost done and I'm still here dreaming while I still remain unknown to her. FUCK. ME.
Phew, sorry, just had to get that out. Anyway, how've you been? Aside from my situation with that would-be could-be, I'm actually doing great. I turned 25, which I saw as the worst thing in the world, and... I don't know, that thought of it being so terrible hasn't really changed, I'm just not thinking about it or dwelling on it. There are things going on that help me go on being so positive. I'd say one of the most effective is that I play video games online with a friend a few days every week. I actually went to elementary with him, we were good friends until middle school then we never talked to each other again until about a year ago, about the same time time I got my Xbox One. And lo and behold, he got one too. He's married now, and he's actually a cop, but none of that change really matters when you get engulfed into the trenches of video gaming with one another, talking non stop through the headset. After a while it almost feels as if nothing has changed and we're still pent up in his house in fifth grade playing Halo when I wasn't supposed to be allowed to play it. It's a kind of magic I tell you, and I think I have our weekly sessions to thank for helping me stay out of the negative that I used to live and dwell in.
I have something else to thank for my newfound positive outlook on things. I have recently been hired part-time at a major clothing retailer and have been working there for a few months. I take role of a cashier, and I sell people clothes. If I were a numbers man, well... I don't know what I would think if I were a numbers man, given the fact that the numbers are that 98% of my coworkers are female, and over 75% of the customers I help are female. Not saying anything will or even has a chance of happening, I'm just saying... it's far from a sausage-fest, and... that's how I like things.
Thank you for taking enough interest in my life to read this. I live for your support. If you're up for more then check out the music below that is seriously, so special to me.
Aaaaaaand let's see... what would a new post of mine be without some stellar music attached? And so we have this, a song that gives me goosebumps every time I get to the last verse. This is a song you may have heard before, but if even just one of you hasn't heard it, and finds what I find in it, then my efforts putting it here won't have been in vein.
A Little More - Machine Gun Kelly Feat. Victoria Monet
Thankyou.
